The Best Laid Plans...

Yea, I'd say pretty much the entire summer went awry (or aw-rie, as a certain one of my male counterparts would say). It's amazing how frighteningly incapable one can be of accomplishing a simple task. And yea, I know, many things in life are easier said than done, but are they really? Or is that an excuse we use to make our inaction seem okay?

Rationalisation, I'd say, is one of the great downfalls of the human mind.

How hard could it be to spend a summer alone in Hartford, CT, have a great internship and change my life all at the same time? Okay, so it doesn't sound that simple. But why not?

So the end of the internship draws nigh, and I have succeeded in confirming that I am lazy, I lack even the slightest amount of self-discipline, and that my work ethic leaves much to be desired. Mind you, I have been aware of these stellar qualities of mine for some time now, so all in all it was a less-than-fruitful summer. Somehow the word pointless comes to mind as well.

What's even more worrying is that while confirming these things to myself, I managed yet again, to be the near-perfect intern. If nothing else, this proves that people in general seem to be happy with self-delusion...happy that things at least appear to be going well, or excellently, as the case may be. I guess once I smile and pretend to be busy, it's all good. Apparently I don't mind exploiting that fact. Don't get me wrong, I did what I was told to do - somewhere in between making several long-distance calls to Trinidad and being absent-without-leave (or running away, as I fondly call it) for at least a couple hours a day. Should I feel guilty about my perfect time sheets? I guess I'm just too good at keeping up appearances, or lying...whichever you'd prefer to call it.

Is it too much to ask that someone would see right through me and pound me for it? I'm being punished in the worst way possible. I'm terrible and no one sees it. No matter how desperately I want them to. I have come to the conclusion that that's the only way I might change my two-faced ways. But then again, that's probably another rationalisation.

So at the end of it all, I come out the ambitious business student who sacrificed a summer, beefed-up her resumé and catapulted her career to new heights. Yay for me.

Those who know the truth tell me I'm lucky not to be found out.

One man's luck is another girl's prison.