Where there is no vision, the people perish.
- Proverbs 29:18
It's 1:27 am. I'm supposed to be reading Chapter 7 of Productions & Operations Management. It's on 'Process Strategy', and I have to tell you...it's very compelling stuff. The first sentence was riveting, so riveting that I was inspired enough to write a blog about it.
NOT.
It's incredible, the sad state of affairs that my life has come to. What's worse is that noone believes me, and now I'm like the proverbial boy who really did see the wolf that one time. I am failing out of school...but because it's me, and everything always works out, noone believes me. I guess it's better that way, so noone would ask me shit like "What's your GPA?". Like that could solve my problems.
I do believe that my lack of motivation to go to class, do homework, go to work and pretty much participate in my own life comes from somewhere much deeper than "I just don't feel like it". Problem is, I decide not to think about it, because thinking about it means I have to do something about it. Since I am obviously not prepared to do that, I just continue on existing...floating about by every wind that catches me. When the wind stops, in moments like these, I realise just how unhappy I really am. I resolve to think about it, and talk about, and hopefully do something about it, so that eventually it will all change. I will have some purpose, some vision...something that gives me a reason to LIVE. Then I go to bed, wake up and forget that yesterday happened. Somehow reality has ceased to exist in my life, and every day is like a 24-hr dream that I'm sleepwalking through. Hopefully soon, someone will pinch me, and I'll wake up. Till then I'll continue to exist in my own prison.
I suppose I should finish that chapter. Maybe I'll just go to bed.
4 comments:
i dunno if i should be writing this here ( then again, how many ppl actually go here :|)... but I really do think watever happens,will be for the best. if u do manage to fail out of school, maybe a lot of unhappiness would end with it. '@" showed us that you always have a chance...even if it may be just one. i really feel like I must stand alongside you through this,cuz I'm really feeling it...maybe not exactly,but after "@" and being there firsthand with it, I think its making more impact on me personally; more than just a 'listening ear'.
To tell the truth heidi,i still believe that everything would work out! Look at how far you've reached, always hanging 'on'...and maybe this time it wont just ' pling!', but it doesnt mean that all hope is lost.
I hope that this time wen things work out, itd make things clearer to you; you'd know what you want, and what is really important to you,and what you are willing to do/sacrifice for it...
I feelign kinda helpless from quite over here...but i really feel like talkign to you...I hope we do, soon...
it's bothering me...
Somehow I feel we are all like that at one point in time and some of us suffer, for want of a better word, from life withdrawal for long periods of time. The famous American chef, Julia Child once said Find something you're passionate about and keep tremendously interested in it. I have no idea why she said it or how much rum was in the cake she was eating when she decided to spew wisdom along with roast beef, but it makes sense. I have to admit, with great shame, that I, more than likely, will also fail to find any passion for Chapter 7 of Productions & Operations Management. I am sure there are many people who are passionate about that particular chapter and you only have to look no further than your local asylum or neighborhood bar - sorry for repeating myself.
It's not easy to find your passion and in some cases when you do find out what it is, it is illegal. Nevertheless, the quest for passion should be a passion in itself and also equal to finding the meaning of life. The joy is in the looking and not the having, but that depends on what you are having and with whom.
If you are looking for a reason to live you only have to speak to a couple dead people and that should sway you. The fact that the dead don't come back in droves, except in certain B movies and Parliament, should be no indication that things are better on the other side but an indication of a better security system in the land of the dead.
Not wanting to go to class or do homework is the first sign of normalcy, so give yourself 20 points. I don't think you should be unhappy, especially if you are young, and have most of your teeth and hair. Give yourself another 20 to 30 points if you are getting an education. If you wrote a blog on Tuesday March 21, 2006 at 1:28 am local time, then give yourself another 40 points. From my calculations you are already up to somewhere between 80 to 90 points, and that indicates the potential to have a good life, and not depend on the pinch of life, or even rum cake and roast beef, - less that be your passion.
Thanks Heidi, and no I not goin to buff you, I really appreciate it, btw I think you are cool people too...
thanks for the faith in me keisha, i appreciate it.
aka_lol, thanks for the encouragement, and good advice. :)
you're welcome nick, thanks for not making me cry. :|
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